Pre-Med Camp

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  For those who know me or have been creepily avid readers of this blog, I'm sure you've discovered I want to be an ER doctor when I get older. I would say when I grow up, but I sincerely doubt that will ever happen.

  
  

  I've been depressed for five years now. I was recently started on medication and am getting so, so much better, but I know pain. Anxiety either worsened the depression or was developed from the depression, so there's all that shit too. And I never want anyone to feel that kind of intense pain.

  
  

  Now, life isn't all happiness and rainbows and ponies, unfortunately. Or fortunately? If it was all happiness, wouldn't it just be boring? We wouldn't be able to appreciate the good to its fullest.

  That being said; Pain. Sucks. Balls.

  
  

  But I am terrible at talking to people. Also, I am not naive enough to think that I will just stop being depressed by that time. It's going to be a lot of hard work, and being a psychologist or psychiatrist seems like it would show little improvement.

  I'm needy enough to want to see that my actions have helped someone. And if I worked in the ER, not only would I see pretty easily that my actions, but it would be fast-paced, always changing, always interesting. Never just a dull repetitive office job. I owe the universe something to make up for all the pain and trouble I caused and help I've been given, and I want to know my life meant something; something I'll see if I save even one life.

  
  

  And now, on for my adventures in pre-med camp. I did a facebook status every night, but then will supplement it. ADVENTURES IN BLOOD!

  
  

  Day Zero: Woke up with one eye swollen shut and in pain. It was pretty scary, and my mom thought I had pink eye. Luckily after I took my contacts out by wrestling with my eyelid (don't sleep in your contacts kids) the swelling started to go down. I packed, listened to Welcome to Night vale (I'm hooked- more on that later) and we departed to the camp. While I'm sure anyone who really wanted to stalk me could find out who I am, I went to Sea Camp at ATM Galveston. Please don't stalk me.

  I set up my dorm room, met my room mate, introduced myself to the girl down the hall and told her how scared I was of people, all that fun stuff. Our whole group ate dinner together at one table, introduced ourselves, found out where we were all from, yada yada. It was not as scary as I thought.

  
  

  The first official day of pre-med camp; I outed myself as an antisocial nerd, tried to explain doctor who, cried a little when someone asked if doctor who built the tardy (yup) and befriended the two nerdiest boys here by ranting about how all pokemon are diabetic. We discussed star wars porn. 

  Also I dressed like the FBI in E.T. and later strangled a cow eye. Whoop!

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Only Zena can go to a nerdy camp and still be outed as an antisocial nerd.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

  The inside of a cow eye: modern art.

  
  

  

  Other parts of the eye...

  
  

  Day two: I ripped the spine of a fetal pig out with my bare hands. Finally learned what a spleen does and the science behind diabetes. Actually got a lot of homework (for this camp) done. Got called out for apparently flirting... (yeah, right. Pffft.) and ate three helpings of icecream.
  I'm calling it now, the country gal and boy will be engaged by the end of the week.

  
  
  

  
  

  Isn't that the thing that controls emotions according to you?

  
  

   It's what makes you miss people. And has something to do with red blood cells.

  
  

  

  Pig spine!

  

  We look very similar.

  I also may have ripped the head off. And then the skin off the head.
  
  

  Day 3: I toured two shriner (uh?) hospitals. Besides being highly educational, I also kept making doctor who refrences no one understood, and said "fezzes are cool" a lot. We got a demonstration from ambulance paramedics, and because I said I was going to be an ER doctor, got to do a lot of the stuff. I was just as fast as them in inserting a tube in the trachea, probably 30 times faster than my peers. It really made me happy and hopeful I will actually have a future in ER. Had an interesting discussion about mental illness, argument about the scientific, religious, and hormonal aspects of orgasms (I love pre-med kids) and convinced the coolest 10yr I've ever met my friend is Harry Potter. (No joke, he looks like him. And is only an inch taller than me so it's like Daniel Radcliff. Also I keep getting teased for flirting with him like no.) This camp has been the longest consecutive time I've been happy, productive, and interested (and apparently interesting) in years. 

  
  
  

  
  

   IF HE GOES TO HOGWORTS GOD DANGIT YOU'RE TAKING ME WOMAN!

  
  
  

  Day 4: am currently awake building a model of a bacteriophage in the bathroom so to not wake my roommate. Spelling, grammar, and rest is being sacrificed for the pursuit of pathogens. Today, an embalmer came to talk to us, I awkward laughed the whole time. Apparently the furnace is like a giant pizza oven "but for dead people." Visited the allied health college galveston, ate 4 donuts, then ran around the health museum. Can't stop thinking about the bacteria breeding everywhere. I met the one kid in all the camps here who watches doctor who, and promptly talked to him for 4 hours straight at the beach. We even got stung by the same jellyfish in the span of 30 seconds. Got weird cred from the counslers and him 'cuz I said physical pain is better than mental. That being said, it still hurt like a mother. Got dragged into girl talk and am now being drafted to seduce Harry Potter. Pre-med kids have weird girl talk, we all approach it psychologically. Giving up on finishing my reports, it's all illegible anyway. Welcome to med school...
  

  

  X-rays from the allied health college. Lightbulb stuck up the ass and implants in an old lady.

  
  

  

  Don't smoke kids. This pig smoked for years and looked at the black lungs compared to a happy healthy bacon pig.

  

  I took a selfie so I can laugh at myself when actually in med school.

  
  

  I'm fairly certain that getting stung ny a jelly fish and Harry Potter are not required parts of med school.

  
  

  I'm guessing nobody had the balls to piss on the sting.

  
  

  While I did get some weird offers from a couple of little kids (one of the most disturbing memories of my life) vinegar actually works. And they totally are.

  
  

  Day 5: electrophsdfghjkl lab everyone actually was successful. Wandered around Galveston and got totally demolished in chess, but my Jaywalking friend picked up on my soap opera so as he took my king said it was a gay love affair gone wrong. Did our presentations, I volunteered to go first and did dumb jokes about a subject that isn't funny at all. Apparently they appreciated me telling hints of my own personal story along with the science of depression because I won a trophy for best presentation.
  A bunch of us including our teachers got into a 4 hour long game of apples to apples, which got insanely odd. Seduced Harry Potter, now feel like Cho Chang.
  And now, scary girl talk while I pack. Whoop! I legitimately start crying when I think about how I'm leaving tomorrow.

  
  

  

  I did it all by myself (no partner) and it turned out so good!

  

  Science is pretty.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  

  FOR SCIENCE!

  
  

  
  

  
  

Things I learned on a week long road trip:

1. The Grand Canyon is a big hole in the ground.
2. Monument Valley isn't that impressive.
3. The Petrified Forest kinda makes me wanna cry.
4. I have a deep, fiery hatred of Arizona and would bring a curse down upon it but that land is already cursed.
5. I am better at night driving than day driving.
6. My dad is trying to kill us, considering three times he made me go down a one-way street. The wrong way.
7. If you give my brother a red bull, monster, and then stick him in the backseat of a car for six hours, we all suffer.
8. Having your car break down at night in the desert is surprisingly fun. Wrapping yourself in your cape and falling asleep in thorns is less fun.
9. Letting the girl who hasn't been driving for more than a few months navigate the Houston highways at midnight is an awful idea.
10. My dad will never be comfortable with me going over 60 mph, but I have a deep appreciation for 80.
11. Car games are easily butchered by my family. "There's a string theory on a quark on a proton on an atom on a wart on a frog on a log on a bump in the bottom of the seat!" and "I went to a picnic, and brought apples, bananas, carriages, diapers, elephants, quantum berries, socks, and TNT."
12. I almost got kidnapped looking for a bathroom. Don't trust gas stations that are connected to cheap motels.
13. If you walk into a Taco Bell wearing a dress, guys are very nice to you.
14. Don't walk outside naked accidentally.
15. Always know where your towel is.
16. Don't go swimming at Monastery Beach. You'll die.
17. All of my grandmother's stories end in death.
18. Everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
19. I am not allowed to pee off the side of the Grand Canyon, because I'll "start an avalanche" and then "fall and die."
20. I am never leaving my bed again.

Acceptable Places to Lose My Virginity

I am a virgin, and plan on keeping it that way for the foreseeable future.
However, my friends have asked me where I plan to lose it.
Well... Any of these would do.

1. Pillow Fort
It would be comfy and safe-feeling and fun and IT'S A GODDAMN PILLOW FORT LIKE WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN THAT?

2. Tree House
It would have to be pretty well built and have some sort of cushioning but yeah seems fun.

3. Ball Pit
Probably couldn't do this unless you had your own private ball pit... so unlikely. I'll save it until marriage and just install a ball pit in my home.

4. Trampoline
Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy...

5. Any Play Ground Equipment
Swings! Slides! It's be fun!

6. Igloo
Especially one made with coloured water in blocks because it would glow a rainbow and you could have a small fire to be warm and lay down mats and lots of blankets and stuff and your body heat to keep hot... in more ways than one.

7. Bed
As long as we can jump on it.

8. Bouncy House
Bouncy, bouncy...

9. Porch Swing
GIANT SWING! ROCKING! I DON'T EVEN KNOW!

10. The Woods
Either in a fort or a blanket spread on the ground or something just the woods are beautiful and nature is beautiful you'd be surrounded by fairies and magic and beauty which is very important for getting naked in front of someone for the first time I think.

Anyway this also is part of my sex bucket list but a lot on my sexual bucket list would not be an appropriate first time story so now... we wait until I actually want to lose it, if ever.

Update:// I went with a pillow fort we built in the woods and it was magical.